Have you ever wondered why a woman takes a man’s last name? When we give up our name, are we saying our name doesn’t matter? When we get married and automatically take our husbands name does that mean our family history doesn’t matter either? What kind of message does this send to our children?

When my husband and I decided to tie the knot, I told him I was keeping my last name because it was part of me I didn’t want to let go. With a last name like “Fruits,” you’d think I would want to jump ship but it’s part of my identity. It describes me. Of course he was cool with it, I wouldn’t be in love with someone who didn’t get it. Having different last names didn’t make us any less of a family and then our family grew from 2 to 3.

I’ll be damned if after carrying a child for 9 months, giving up cake and bread for months because of gestational diabetes, going through a painful and lengthy labor and months of recovery to give my first born my husbands last name. No questions asked.

As my belly grew, so did my inquisition. Raising tiny men comes with a lot of responsibility. Especially, when it comes to women’s rights and respect. What stronger message to send to my boys that women matter than to have both my husbands last name and mine. I know in some cultures this is totally customary but here, it’s not.

Women’s last names matter. They are our father’s story, our childhood, our memories in school and the name on our first driver’s license. Our last names are important and now more than ever I knew I needed to lead my example because young eyes are watching. As a mother, a wife and daughter I wanted to shake up the concept of “traditions.” I didn’t get married in a red dress to comply with social norms.

Again, my husband is overly supportive of all my crazy ideas and this one didn’t fall short. Our children have two last names and I look forward to our conversation someday explaining why.