Honesty brings us closer than any half truth. Motherhood is hard. Let’s just get that out of the way. You are either planning to start a family, pregnant with one, have one and would like another, pregnant with the second on the way or you have your second child in your arms and reading this with one hand wondering, what the hell have I done?

Everyone starts a family uniquely. I planned both my pregnancies simply because I’m an A-type personality. I only like surprise gifts, nothing else. When I was pregnant with my first, I had no idea what I was in for. I never read a single book and maybe that was for the best. As all mothers do, you figure it out on the way. None of the parenting books will explain YOUR experience. To be more specific, it’s usually just what worked for them. When my baby fever was at its peak, we decided to try for number two and as soon as I saw the positive pregnancy test there was a different kind of emotion, panic.

I cried. I was happy, sad and anxious. Suddenly it sank in that it wouldn’t just be me and my first born. Will my first child love my second? How in the hell was I going to mother two children? It took us a couple months to get pregnant with our first child so I also expected the same with number 2. ONE. TRY. That was also an added shock factor, my husband was even in disbelief. Looks like I needed to give him a refresher course on the birds and the bees.

Any mother of two (or more) will tell you, the unicorn dust and magical rainbows of your first pregnancy don’t necessarily carry over to your second pregnancy. There’s extra aches and pains, nausea and weight. Weight of your first child you now have to also carry through this pregnancy. Thankfully, it goes by quicker the second time and all of a sudden you have a crying baby in your arms.

So what is it really like with two kids? The first month is a cake walk, the baby sleeps, eats and doesn’t have his/her own opinions yet. You just marvel at their beauty and this chapter gives you some reassurance it wont be so bad. A little confidence boost.

As time passes, your baby will stay awake for longer periods of time and will become opinionated but luckily by this point your love for them will grow too. You’ll be so head over heels in love with them and you will forget about the rest. Your second child will fit into your life like a puzzle piece you didn’t know was missing and your heart will double in size.

I’m not saying its going to be easy, I’m just saying your heart will remind you daily that it was worth it. It’s harder to juggle two kids, one wants to be loud while the other is napping but it’s nothing YOU can’t handle. Motherhood teaches you to be adaptive and by number 2, you’ve got it down to a science. Everything will feel so familiar but without the anxiety. You won’t doubt yourself (as much) because you know you can and will handle anything thrown at you. You will be able to love deeper because you have less worry in your heart and just like they say, you won’t be able to imagine your life without them. It’s hard to love someone you’ve never met, so if it hasn’t consumed you yet, don’t worry, it will come.

There will be days you’ll want to pull your hair out, but there will also be days where you catch your toddler telling your newborn that he loves him and then the hardest parts just fade away. They will both cry at the same time and you might even laugh. Isn’t that our greatest fear? One will have a poop explosion and the other a meltdown and you’ll be fine. You’ll just take it day by day, or even minute by minute. The highs are really high and the lows are pretty low but it is a beautiful disaster.

You can and will figure out what works for you. What your days will look like, how to feed and bathe everyone all at the same time and guess what? You will be proud of yourself. Your heart will feel as full as your bladder did during pregnancy. You will find your new normal, and you will revel in it.

My littles are 2.5(ish) and almost 4 months when I’m writing this. So I can only speak from my personal experience. I wanted to write this piece to reassure you that you got this mama. My toddler cries more than my baby anyways. It’s going to be great!