Remember those beginning months when you have no schedule, had no idea what was coming next and you felt more like a walking zombie than a loving mother? Maybe you are still in the thick of it. My youngest just turned 6 months and that crazy newborn phase seems like a distant memory. That (unfortunately) still doesn’t mean he’s sleeping 12 hours, most nights I get lucky for 4-6 but the dust from the big bang has finally settled. We have a somewhat predictable routine, naps seem to be leveling out and we now can eat as a family. I think everything just seems easier when a baby starts to giggle, right?

I’ve spoke to and heard from a couple moms who worry about how much attention they need to give their new babies and felt guilty for the older siblings and I absolutely felt that as well. My mom would come over to help with my toddler when Owen was a little human nugget and I would see them play and not only did I feel guilt, I was jealous. Watching them have so much fun like we used to when it was just us two. So you know what I did? Instead of having my mom watch the toddler, I had her watch the baby. That way I too could laugh and enjoy my oldest. It seems so simple but in those beginning months it’s hard to even keep your own thoughts straight sometimes. It was great for both of us, it didn’t have to be all day long. Just some undivided attention and it keep our relationship in tact. I realize some of us especially now may not have extra help, so maybe as soon as the baby goes down for a nap jump into a game/project/activity just the two of you, once a day.

The other logical thing I kept telling myself is that, this too is temporary. Just look at your older kids, they don’t need you nearly as much as this new baby does. They might be able to feed themselves, entertain themselves, you don’t have to hold your hands behind their head while they are sitting because you are afraid they will crack it on your hard tile floors. This phase is fleeting, just like the next. Next thing you know you’ll be starting a blog because you can think clearly and have some time to yourself again. (ha)

6 months in and we are doing better than before. I don’t know why but I wasn’t really expecting my kids to “play” together so soon. Maybe from the first year of playdates with my friends they always parallel played. The difference this time is the older child, they know how to play now and can entertain the little one. Elliot (my oldest) can really get Owen giggling and I just sit and smile while hearts pop around my head like every childish cartoon I’ve ever seen. It’s magical. It’s like watching your favorite scene from your favorite movie. Over and over.

Now I wouldn’t be doing anyone justice if I didn’t talk about the hard parts of having two because really that’s what every mother wants to know and prepare for. My oldest wakes up almost every morning in a bad mood, so his whining will wake up my little one. To be completely honest, the toddler is the one who causes most of the turmoil and I totally didn’t see that coming. The baby just watches as meltdowns pass him by. I make 3 different things for dinner each night, a toddler meal, meal for the baby (sometimes he eats what we eat) and then for the adults. That gets old, but because you’ve already adapted to feeding one child, two isn’t such a big deal. My toddler doesn’t nap anymore either, so when Owen is asleep it’s quiet time. That’s when I try to do some stuff for myself and keep him busy with the TV. Yes, I said it. Screen time for the win. Sometimes you have two kids taking turns waking you up at night too, but you get used to it. I thought I was going to literally die, when my first would wake me up in the middle of the night but this time, you know you won’t actually die. You can double up on coffee the next day and just keep the day moving.

Let’s talk about the good stuff. They can bathe together and it’s a whole new kind of activity. I don’t have a built in tub like most homes so I purchased this: collapsible tub and both of them fit it great! I’ve actually used it for the last 2.5 years and it still looks like new. Now that Owen can sit up on his own, bath time is a lot of fun. My first hated car rides when he was little, but the new guy has a partner back there and car trips aren’t half as bad as they once were. Stroller walks and going to the park have changed too because everything is better with a friend. They giggle together and that alone energizes this tired mom. Today Elliot had eggs for breakfast (which he never eats) because he saw Owen eating them, HUGE MOM WIN right there and I’m slowly learning how to use this kind of manipulation to my advantage.

Ironically, I’m much more relaxed with having two kids. My anxiety has almost disappeared, entirely. I’ve learned, as all moms do, you can’t really plan for everything you just have to ride the waves. I never would have thought juggling two would feel easier than juggling one, but I think it’s because I’ve changed. We are born as mothers when a child is born and I think reborn with each child after that. Having two pushes you to be even more flexible with “schedules,” what constitutes as a meal and screen time. I worry less, thankfully and feel capable to love more, thankfully. I feel more confident everyday that I’m doing my best and that shushes most of the mom guilt. This is an ongoing battle for me and every mom I know.

Now I’m also aware that they are young and the fighting hasn’t started yet but I wanted to give some moms with two some hope. You’ll find your groove, you’ll establish a routine that works for your family. It’ll all fall into place before you know it. Take care of your needs, listen to your heart, ask for what you need and don’t forget, you got this mama!