Being gay is not a choice, trust me I tried for 32 years.

I tried feeling what books wrote about, what movies moved about and what songs sung about.

And for so long I thought something was wrong with me. Why did I always feel like something was missing?

Looking back, it’s so easy to see all the signs I missed and the only reason why I missed them is because I had no representation. That’s exactly why I share my life so publicly, so no one else is left to suffer in silence. Because heteronormativity is a real thing. The assumption that everyone is ‘naturally’ heterosexual, and that heterosexuality is ideal — is homophobic.

When someone comments on a photo of Maddy and I and says, “is this really necessary?” Do you think they would write that if it was a photo of a man and a woman? Are only photos of a husband and wife acceptable on a motherhood Instagram account? When I am a mother and Maddy is soon to be one too. Seems like two moms in one photo qualifies as relevant mom content if you ask me.

When people are “offended” by our love I know two things to be true. First, is that what they think of our love is none of my business and second, that their reaction says more about them than it does about me. If I saw two people being happy and in love, shamming them wouldn’t be the first thing that comes to my mind.

Maybe these people were not allowed to be their true selves and if that is the case, I could see how watching others live their lives authentically would trigger some emotions.

Next would be “religion.” Religion is a choice you make, and you can’t expect others who don’t believe in your religion to act as if they do. Seems pretty simple to me.

Last would-be exposure or education, they just don’t know what they don’t know.

I used to get the comment from time to time, “stick to motherhood content,” when I would share a photo of the two of us. It’s as if they don’t realize the person in the photo with Maddy is still a mom. The Linda with her kids and Linda with Maddy – believe it or not – are the same person.

We are allowed to be more than a mother. This is only a very small part of who we are — even though it changes everything we ever thought we knew. When you’re a new mom, trust me, it is all consuming. So, if you are still in that phase, I get it. I was there too.

Slowly but surely, you’ll find time to re-connect back with you. The new you or the old you, it doesn’t matter. Just you, outside of a mother. The woman who maybe enjoyed painting, singing, dancing or any hobby that once flooded your heart with joy.

Because if we only live for our children, what happens when they grow up? Who are we then? And what message does that send to our children when they have children of their own? That you disappear into the background to only care for others and your own happiness and life no longer matters?

You can love and be present with your children and love and be present for yourself.

It’s definitely not easy, but it is necessary.

That is what these photos show. I’m a mom doing things for myself.

Maybe that will encourage other moms to fill their cups too.

Representation.

Representation of what a modern family can look like, representation of what an amicable separation can look like, representation of what love can look like, representation that you can come out later in life and that it will be more than okay. Representation that you do not need to disappear into the role of motherhood to be a good mom.

And my story and life may not be for you – but it is for me.

And to those comments, it reminds me this is still a conversation we need to have.