Feeling my breast one day, as all breastfeeding moms do, I noticed a tiny tough area, it felt like a frozen pea. Any lumps in the breast raise red flags so down the googling rabbit hole I went. Was it cancer?! I called my doctor and they told me it was probably a clogged duct, go take a shower and massage it out. Once again, down the googling rabbit hole I went. How do I massage a clogged duct? What was a duct? What did it even look like? I was a first time mom with a newborn baby, like most of us, I knew nothing.

The internet can be a safe and scary place for moms to turn for info. For the most part, I do think it’s rather helpful. We are all going through so much and doctors don’t always have 1,000 different ways to unclog a duct, but the internet does. I tried everything, that pea was there to stay.

Days turned into weeks quicker than normal, I blame the new family member and lack of sleep and that pea turned into a lemon. Again I rang the doctor, they prescribed me with the same, take a hot shower and massage it out. I decided to ask my mom to come over to watch the baby so I could give this 110% of my attention. I went all in, heavy duty handheld back massager with interchangeable heads, some you could freeze and one with heat! Even after all that, I was still princess AND the pea which is now the size of a lemon. My breast was red and started to become really tender, but I wanted to give it one last shot. I read online about using a kitchen utensil, like a wooden spoon to scrape down the breast in the direction of the nipple to really squeeze it out like toothpaste out of a tube. Big fat NOPE. The redness in the picture is from the wooden spoon, not the infection.

I had previously complained to the doctor so much that I demanded an ultrasound script to get this looked at so at that point I made an appointment. Fast forward to the part where they’ve already scanned me and she said to wait she was going to go get the doctor. My heart couldn’t take being left alone in that room by myself. They only get the doctor if there needs to be immediate attention. With a family history of breast cancer, I started to uncontrollably sob.

Thankfully the doctor and ultrasound tech came back quickly and told me that they needed to biopsy and try to drain the area. They told me they would feel a prick for the numbing and then I wouldn’t feel anything but pressure. I will never forget the nurse who tickled my scalp as that first needle went in, I literally didn’t feel any pitch because she distracted me. I was so beyond thankful and from that moment on, I knew I was in great hands. They suctioned out the “lemon” and they said it was white and looked like breastmilk. They would still send it off to make sure and it was. Just an trapped staph infection, an abscess.

The whole procedure took 20 minutes and I left feeling like a new woman. I could hold my baby on the left side for the first time without pain, the numbing would wear off soon and there was still some discomfort. The weight was literally lifted (suctioned) off my chest. I was told to continue to breastfeed, I’m pretty sure I was given antibiotics as well. Sometimes they say that the area can fill back up again, mine didn’t. Even with my second pregnancy and breastfeeding journey, I haven’t run into any issues.

No one knows your body like you do, I’ve learned that you have to be the squeaky wheel for your own health. When something doesn’t feel right you need to keep pressing. An abscess was not the end of the world, nor the end to breastfeeding. If you have one or worried you do, get checked out. It’s not nearly as scary as it sounds.